


So I sing Sahlo Folina

by Be_Abnormal



Category: One Direction (Band), Shawn Mendes (Musician), Twenty One Pilots, niall horan - Fandom
Genre: And also sweet baby Michael, Bandito, Calum is... scary and very muscular, Clancy's letters, Clifford the vulture - Freeform, Josh is very funny, Love Confessions, M/M, Niall Horan and Josh Dun are close friends, Shawn is a shy baby, Shiall, Smut, Top!Niall, Tyler is a sweetie, dream - Freeform, trench
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-05 12:49:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17919092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Be_Abnormal/pseuds/Be_Abnormal
Summary: Maybe he would’ve died just right there if he hadn’t felt a strong hand yanking on his hood and bringing him slowly on his feet. He reopened his eyes just to see the mountains surrounding him. He could hear the water running behind him and see the few lights of the Banditos watching the scene on the cliffs because they just couldn’t fall into the Dema again. There was a guy, a guy with brown hair and a yellow bandage around his neck, watching them while a girl with blonde long hair covered his mouth with her hand, blocking him from making any sound. What sound? What would’ve he said if he hadn’t that hand on his lips? But more importantly, who were all those Banditos?--Shiall, because yes.





	So I sing Sahlo Folina

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, Hi people of AO3. This is one on my first stories that I've published here but most importantly one of the first english stories I've ever written: yeah, I'm italian and I'm sorry if my english will be a pain in the sweet bum but at least I tried.  
> The whole story is a reinterpretation of the story behind Twenty One Pilots' last album Trench (if you haven't listened to it yet, I highly recommend it) and its transposition in real life and, most importantly, it isn't completely loyal to the real story but there are many differences. I don't own anyone in this story, they are just characters inspired by real life people that I used to bring this idea into a proper story.  
> I love Twenty One Pilots dearly and their concert in Bologna was stratospheric, explosive I'd say, and the idea of writing a story about it came into my head just a few days after. This story is really important to me, also because I've completely fallen in love with Shawn Mendes and Niall Horan's relationship and I ship them with all my heart. So, please, if you will like it tell me in the comments and maybe leave kudos, and if you don't like it tell me anyway in the comments.  
> Hope you'll enjoy reading. (It's a bit long, I know, I'm sorry)

Shawn felt the cold wind blow gently on his naked neck where the sweat had previously cooled. His legs were aching, his muscles burning through his skin; he could almost feel the fire ripping his body into three, four, five halves before he would just fall on his knees on the ground. And that wasn’t even a thought: in two seconds his hands were on the dirt, his fingers feeling the cold grass. His breath was too heavy for his own chest and he couldn’t gain up any air in his lungs; his arms were shaking uncontrollably and he feared he was going to fall face on the ground in a mere of a few seconds.

“What the hell? Run!” someone yelled behind him the very moment he fell down and Shawn knew that it was Tyler trying to incite him but he just couldn’t persuade his legs into getting up and starting all over again. Also, his ears were ringing too much so he wasn’t even that sure that it was Tyler yelling at him. It could’ve been anyone, probably that Bishop tricking him to get up on his feet just to take him in again.  
“Run, Shawn, don’t stop”

He fell completely on the ground, his back on the side of the cold water of the river like he was physically trying to flow down the stream with the autumnal leaves. He couldn’t bare himself to get up, he just didn’t have any strength. He wanted to die, he just wanted to close his eyes and see that infamous light, feel a lighter chest and a lighter soul. He didn’t want to live that life ever again, and the desire to finish it all just in that moment was stronger than his legs.  
Maybe he would’ve died just right there if he hadn’t felt a strong hand yanking on his hood and bringing him slowly on his feet. He reopened his eyes just to see the mountains surrounding him. He could hear the water running behind him and see the few torches of the Banditos watching the scene on the cliffs and probably not even thinking about going down there because they just couldn’t fall into Dema again - and, well, that was plausible. There was a guy, Shawn could distinguish him between all of them, a short guy with what seemed to be brown hair and a yellow bandage around his neck, watching them with wide scared eyes while a blonde haired girl covered his mouth with her hand, blocking him from making any sound. What sound? What would’ve he said if he hadn’t that hand on his lips? But more importantly, who were all those Banditos? And that wasn't even the right moment to question himself about all those things: not when he felt like his feet and brain could just might explode in a few seconds, like some tickling bomb.

“Can you hear me Shawn?” Shawn adverted his eyes from the one yellow leaf rotating in the water to Tyler who was shaking his shoulders with such force that he almost fell to the ground again.

“Yeah” he croaked, his throat feeling like scratched by the claws of some animals. But the only animals there were them. “Yeah, I can”

“You can’t stop, we need to run, okay? We’re almost there” the older guy insisted, fists balled into his jumpsuit to make Shawn follow him, without any real result.

“I don’t think we are”

“I know” Tyler’s gaze shifted to the river running behind them, his irises as cold as the water. “But we need to try. I don’t know who those Banditos are but I feel, I feel like we belong to them and we, or sure, don't belong to that place they want us to come back to. So please, just- please, move”

Shawn nodded slowly and convinced himself that he had to move, he just had to, if not or himself then for Tyler. But the moment he started to raise his right foot, something like electricity sparked through his legs and knees and he screamed from the pain, his feet remaining anchored to the ground. like there was some magnetism with it. “I c-can’t move” he stammered, his eyes fixated on his dirty boots, the pain so vivid he almost felt like crying. Couldn't Tyer feel it, too? Impossible “Tyler, why can’t I move? What’s happening? Tyler, Tyler!”  
He immediately raised up his gaze the moment he couldn’t see anymore Tyler’s boots against his own, like his body had been suddenly yanked back by something or, well, in that case someone. The scene in front of him made his mouth open up without any sound getting out, a scream dying in his throat while he tried to just move his feet on the dirt. He could completely scratch al of his previous suicidal thoughts if that meant he could reach Tyler.  
He watched the Bishop stop on his white horse in front of his friend, his bright red cloak a stain of blood in the middle of a candid skin, his grey scrawny hands reaching up to Tyler’s neck and yanking him toward himself. His fingers left black imprints on the neck of his companion, whose eyes were watching him, piercing through his face., like a dead fish looking at the walls of his glass ampoule.

“Run” Tyler whispered, briefly closing his eyelids.

“I- I can’t run!” Shawn cried, falling again on his knees as another spark of electricity run across all his body and legs. “I-I can’t, without you”

Tyler was on the ground in front of his face in two seconds, and when he reopened his eyes, Shawn noticed with deep fear that his irises weren’t a warm brown anymore but a bright red, just as bright as the Bishop’s cloak. His breath caught in his own throat, those scratches coming back t life in a full wave of sorrow. “B-B-“ Tyler started saying, but that wasn’t even his voice: it was deeper, almost fake. He couldn't distinguish real and unreal anymore at that point. “B-Blur-“  
Shawn couldn’t hear the rest because all of a sudden cold fingers were wrapping around his own neck and thick black liquid was flowing down his skin along with his own tears.

“Shawn! No!” a very distant voice yelled, but he couldn’t recognize it: it wasn’t Tyler nor the fake one.  
But he didn’t really think about it a lot: he couldn’t breathe anymore.

He closed his eyes.

 

\--

 

The flame of the stake reached the sky and almost touched the stars burning bright in the deep blue of that night. The trees' leaves moved along the fire, twirling here and there like a little quite tornado, the same one that was brushing lightly the grass, moving with the cold wind blowing gently through the forest and the cliffs. It seemed like the nature was the quietest place in all the emotional confusion of the Trench camping in that moment, but still, it was relatively quiet with almost all the tents settled and dark, people sleeping tightly in them. Almost all the tents. There was still a little group of Banditos awake, their minds focused on the previous events of that day. Relatively quiet, because the silence had been broken at some point.

“How the fuck could we leave them behind? Why didn’t we jump in there? We could’ve taken him so easily!” Niall cried, his voice pierced and angry at the highest level while he paced around the fire like a crazy man: his voice almost made the leaves fall from their trees. Josh had his head between his hands, his fingers brushing slightly across his now bald head and Niall really hated him for that. Why wasn’t he screaming? He had to, for fuck’s sake. He was the captain, the most important figure among them all, he couldn’t just sit there and suffer silently. They were the complete opposite if you analyzed that very aspect of them: while Josh needed silence to reflect on things as important as those, Niall needed to relieve all of his feelings and it seemed like he didn't know any other way to do it than throwing a tantrum as loudly as he could. Maybe that was a selfish way of letting out his anger, but most of the group was now used to it. “We had to- we had to! For fuck's sake! That was Tyler and Shawn, can you remember them? Tyler and Shawn, Do I have to remind you?”

“Shut up, Niall!” Jenna yelled, giving him a slap on the back of his head. Niall complied silently, knowing full well that he couldn't put an argue against Jenna when she was even more stubborn than him - and he could tell it from a personal experience.

“Thank you, Jen” Josh sighed deeply when he could finally hear only the silent sound of nature around him, all the voices gone. He took his hands out from his short hair, bringing them to his thighs clearly showing that he wasn't in fact that relaxed. “We all remember who Tyler and Shawn are, Niall. But probably _they_ don’t remember us”

“That’s not a valid motivation for the fact that we left them alone there with that Bourbaki shit” someone between the nearby tents said and Niall started shaking his head fervently in agreement even though he didn't know who that was. But it didn't matter as long as someone was thinking just the same things as him: they could've saved them, it would've been so easy.

“You all need to understand that there’s fate and sleep. We need to choose one and Shawn and Tyler openly decided sleeping.”

“But they run away!” Niall screamed again, finally sitting on the wood across from Joshua, Jordan following him vehemently like a lost puppy, probably concerned about whether he had to agree with Niall or with his brother. “They escaped, that doesn’t mean they’re sleeping! And also, please, stop with all this allegorical stuff”

“He’s right” Jordan nodded, patting the brown haired boy on the back when he felt him shaking from nerves against him. “I'm not talking about the allegory that's, that's pretty cool if I have to say so. I mean, I think that they’re chasing fate or they want to create their own fate. Is that even possible?”

“Yeah it is” Josh exhaled a shaky breath, looking at the both of them like he was going to explain something very important, like the norms of life. And it probably was by the look in his eyes, like he was so tired of all of this. He had become their leader at a very young age, just after the last leader death: he had showed the most valid qualities for that role among the group, but the more people decided to be part of it, the more it became difficult trying to give orders and take decisions. The more brains the more opinions, and many different opinions meant many wrangles he had to solve and in that very moment it seemed like he would've had to do it.  
“They’re between sleep and fate, they’re running a circle that they will have to destroy at some point to take a straight line, I mean, a straight decision: fate or sleep?” he asked rhetorically, no one answering: they all felt completely awake, both physically and mentally. “Shawn stopped running and Tyler followed him: he could’ve kept running but he has a good heart and wouldn’t have gone without his friend. That means two things: firstly they choose sleeping, secondly sometimes goodness keeps us away from fate”

“And why are they metaphorically sleeping? They woke up, metaphorically talking. Couldn’t they stay awake and, and stop? Always _metaphorically_ talking” Jordan asked curiously, playing with the yellow tape wrapped tightly around his knee.

Josh smiled tiredly at his younger brother, putting an hand up in the air as if he was giving him his appreciation. “That’s a good question, Jo" he commented, Jordan's cheeks becoming an adorable tint of red that Niall couldn't help but laugh at, pinching them with his fingers. "Well, they say that those who still live in Dema can’t escape from it and reach Trench before they completely eliminate the fog that makes them sleep. That fog is called anxiety and sloth, or incapacity of deciding. Both Shawn and Tyler were affected by them even thought initially they were part of the Banditos, and one day they were brought to Dema, I think we all remember that day”

“I thought that fucker of Bourbaki had killed them by the way they were hanging on his horse. But we couldn’t have done anything in that moment. We were still too weak” Jenna commented with her eyes fixated on her ring finger were a bright gold band was set among a rolled yellow piece of tape. Niall thought that she was probably thinking about her husband in that moment, with how her eyes were so sad looking, the same emotions he had felt the very moment he had seen Shawn get away from him. Sometimes those feelings became even harder to endure and he liked to just go into the woods and lost himself in through the trees and the yellow and orange leaves around him, his boots squelching on the rain-wet grass, his fists up in the air like he was going to punch someone or something. And most of those times there was Jenna walking next to him, her blonde head on his shoulder and their arms intertwined, watching his loud anger in her silent sorrow. Sometimes, but not always, Jordan walked behind them like a curious kid following his older siblings, always so attentive and smart that Niall felt like he could embrace him and never let him go with how innocent he looked, really like a little brother.

He looked at Jenna with concerned eyes but was careful enough to not add anything. “Yeah, we all remember it. But, I mean, what is Nico’s role in all this?” Jordan asked again like an insatiable curious kid.

“The nine Bishops and most importantly Nicholas Bourbaki, known as Blurryface among those who live in Dema, keep their anxiety and sloth constant so they won’t be capable of escaping. But sometimes people do, because they’re stronger. That is Clancy, the one who founded the Banditos”

“We all know who Clancy is, Dun” Niall commented. “Thank you for this explanation but- " he looked around himself, taking in the people wide awake and waiting for him to talk. Debby arrived just in that moment, sitting next to Josh and kissing lightly and affectionately his cheek before looking at Niall with big doe eyes and noding, urging him to continue. He did just that, lowering his head and his voice like it was some kind of a secret. "-but I think we can find a way to help them, go against faith”

“How do you think that something like that is possible?” Debby asked, feet swinging slowly between herself and the fire.

“Well, they woke up, it’s obvious. Or they wouldn’t have run all the way between Dema and Trench. So if we find a way of urging them awake again, they will probably make it in time”

“That’s-“ Josh thought aloud and the eyes of everyone around the fire focused on the leader talking. “That could be reasonable”

“Yeah, but how do we get in contact with them? They’re miles away right now” the girl asked again, now biting at her nail like she wasn't able to keep still for more than a second.

“I have an idea” Niall answered Debby’s question and got up on his feet again. “Can you please call Clifford, Josh?” The leader looked at him confused but accomplished. He brought two fingers at his lips before whistling loudly, the noise echoing through the woods, some branches shaking, birds lost in the leaves responding by making a melody: in a few moments the black vulture was set on his shoulder with his big wings closed against his chest, his long scrawny neck bobbing slightly. He looked between them with an air of superiority that only a volatile of that tonnage could afford. “Clifford, the vulture, is the only one who can reach Dema in a matter of minutes. We could leave them a message, make them know that we’re here, waiting for their arrive. And then we could start going to Dema to help their escape”

“You mean going really to Dema? Practically? Concretely?” Jordan asked, emphasizing each word carefully.

“Exactly! We can go against fate! We can save them, we can wake them! Who is with me?”  
There was a long pause, a long silence, before the leader Josh Dun and Jenna raised their hands up in the hair like sudden meerkats' heads in a steppe. The others looked at them for a brief moment before just copying their actions, Niall himself raising his hand proudly.

“We can do it” Josh added for good measure, everyone nodding along. “You’re right, we can and we will. But we can’t leave a message, the Bishops could understand it all if they catch the letter. We need something else”

“Exactly” Niall crunched on his knees, his eyes scanning the dirt looking for something he had already noticed previously, the same thing that had enlightened him. When his hands reached a beautiful yellow flower on the east corner of the fireplace, he picked it up with a sigh of victory then extended it to Clifford, who obediently took the stem in his long beak. Niall softly caressed his head and smiled when the vulture opened his wide wings, immediately understanding his task without even having to hear it. “Bring this flower to Shawn and Tyler, I know you remember them, baby. They will understand what yellow means, I’m sure of it. You just have to fly”

 

\--

 

“I’m so sorry” Shawn cried softly, his hands covering his eyes from where tears were flowing down continuously. He felt a pang in his chest, a deep pain in his heart, an ache in his soul: a constant climax of sorrow that he couldn’t stop. He felt bad for what he did. If he hadn’t stopped running, or if he had convinced Tyler on keep going, nothing would have happened. They wouldn’t have been there again, in that small grey room. Everything was grey, even his own vision, and that color made the pain in his body even heavier. H hated with all his heart the way that color seemed to be the only thing he could see around himself. When his eyes caught glimpse of the outside of the city through the small windows, there was always a grey sky and thick grey fog that didn't allow the yellow of the sun to brighten their day. He taught that even the nature was against them with the way it acted when he felt nostalgic- actually, always.  
His shoulders shook with the force of his sobs and he could only find balance by leaning on his knees with his elbows, his face and hands and clothes becoming more and more damp with salty tears. “I’m so sorry, Ty. You were so close to freedom” he hiccuped his fingers trying desperately to catch his tears and stop them from keeping on flowing down. 

But his friend, the sky bless his friend, was just right there for him, just like any other time he couldn't stop his crying. “It wouldn’t have been freedom without you, Shawn” Tyler whispered, sitting next to him on the bed while caressing his arm affectionately. the sobs diede slowly down, Shawn relishing in the comfort that just that hand on his bicep was giving him. “It wouldn’t have been, and you know why? Because you’re my friend, my only friend in this horrendous place and I wouldn’t ever leave you behind alone, okay? We’re in this together”

“But- But we, we have to go away” Shawn insisted, sniffling like a baby now that there were no more tears left to cry over his regrets. He felt like a baby, too, with the way he was crying so much. Was he a baby? That wouldn't have been too strange to think if his idiotic idea of stopping from running was anything to go by: he was the cause of every of this

“No you aren’t a baby” Tyler confirmed. “And don’t look at me like that. No, you didn’t say it aloud, I just know you more than you think”

“Thank you” Shawn muttered, hugging Tyler and hiding his head in his neck. He could smell a beautiful scent, something like home and protection. He had smelt something like this many times before, he could remember, and not only from Tyler, but form who? Many things, even stupid and insulse things, hunted him from his past every minute of the day, but it seemed like that past wouldn't have resurfaced anytime soon so he was always left hanging on his fragmented memories with a strong headache most of the times. “Thank you for tolerating me, I know that isn’t easy” he whispered with a slight grin, but his words were still coated of silent apologies.

“Yeah it isn’t” Tyler agreed with a slight laugh that made a chill run through his spine while happiness flooded in his veins. It was strange feeling something like happiness in a place like that, like coloring a black painting with colorful pastels, ruining the atmosphere. He almost felt sorry if it wasn't for the fact that those grays and blacks weren't some beautiful artwork at all. “there will be the call in half an hour” the older boy informed him, squeezing his shoulder and escaping from the cage of his arms: Shawn felt a bit empty but didn't say anything against it, afraid of being too clingy. 

He felt all the hair in his body get up at the sound of the _call,_ it meant something bad was going to happen to them: something like brainwashing or humiliation as a punishment for their failed escape and he surely wasn't in the mood of it. His face fell completely and all the happiness that had previously surrounded him vanished like vapor in the air. Without Tyler close the him, he decided to hug himself instead, searching for some kind of comfort in his own body, uselessly. “I don’t want to. It hurts my brain” he complained, thinking about the deep pain he felt in his temples the first time - just that morning -  they had to do it, and it hadn't even went away completely.

Tyler smiled sympathetically at him and Shawn could see from miles away that he was thinking about that ache, too. “I know it does, but after our try we have to do it, you know that. Or Blurryface will be at our throat and we won’t be able to try another escape”

“A-Another escape?” Shawn repeated like he wanted to feel those words rolling on his tongue. The feeling was almost ecstatic, beautiful and thrilling at the sole thought, but also carried a bit of anxiousness and preoccupation in his heart. They would’ve run away, again, and Shawn was sure that that time would’ve been the one, they would’ve reached their freedom like they had been thinking to for so much time: an even if that wouldn't have been the case for him, he was sure that Tyler could've made it this time - that was what really mattered to him. 

“Yeah” Tyler confirmed, getting up again rom the bed and walking to the window, almost like he wanted to feel the open air again rather than the thick grey fog surrounding them, like his mind was taking him back to that open ravine with the wind through his hair and the cold air in his lungs. He still had the signs of that race on his face: a little scratch on his nose and a red bruise on his left cheek, one of his eye was a bit swollen and the corners of his lips were cracked but nothing could compare to the state of his hands that had just recently stopped bleeding. Shawn was sure that he was in the exact same condition if not worse, giving the fact that he had suddenly decided to fall face first on the ground near a flowing cold river, but he couldn't really know that since there wasn't any mirror to look at himself.  
But Tyler, though he was bruised and his face was full of contusions, he kept talking and smiling lightly like it didn't hurt every time he opened his mouth - Shawn knew that it wasn't like this but he didn't comment on it.  
“Yeah, and I was just thinking about a new plan, like- we’re going to-“ he suddenly stopped his river of words and the exaggerated movements of his hands in the air , looking out the window and into the fog with wide open brown eyes, his mouth slightly agape.

Shawn looked at him confused, searching for the same thing he was looking at but it seemed impossible from his position on the bed so he got up and tip toed next to Tyler, lowering his head to get to his height and look out into the mist just in the same direction. “What are you- Oh my God, is that-“

“There’s a vulture perched on the roof” Tyler muttered before making a familiar gesture with his arm almost instinctively, like his heart had just suppressed his mind. The vulture followed its moves and suddenly spread its wings wide to fly beautifully into the tiny space that divided them, placing its claws on his fried's shoulder, his stature so big he almost couldn’t pass through the window. “What are you doing here, beautiful boy?” Tyler asked softly his hand shaking while he reached the jet black plumage and started caressing it. The volatile made a sound in his long throat and bowed his head, urging Tyler to keep on moving his fingers. 

Shawn could see something familiar in its appearance and behavior but he just couldn’t put his finger on it. He almost had given up on trying to cope up with his memories when his eyes noticed the beautiful yellow flower in the vulture’s beak and his breath suddenly caught in his throat when realization it him like the cold water of the river on his hands. “Ty, this is Clifford” he yelped, the said bird opening wide his dark shiny eyes at the sound of its own name.

“Clifford? Who is-“ Tyler’s eyes were wide open with surprise when the vulture dropped the flower on his open hand and he stared at it like something forced him to. “I-I remember you, Clifford. I remember you next to a pitch of fire, and I remember you croaking into the woods, catching every little mouse you could, flying through the trees and up into the sky. Where have you been all this time?”

The vulture nudged against his hand and the flower, croaking softly like he wanted to talk to them but obviously couldn't. He seemed like a smart animal, evidently a very well trained animal. “We remember him from the past but we can’t remember the rest of it” Shawn affirmed, giving voice to his thoughts while he Clifford on the head, the volatile submitting quietly even though his dominant nature - yeah, very well trained. “What about the flower? What does it mean?”

“It must be a signal, I saw it near the river when the Bishop took me. This means probably that someone noticed us. The Banditos, maybe?”

“That’s- that’s fantastic, but what do we do about it? How can we answer them? And what does the flower really mean: are they giving us help?”

“We will only know by writing something back, take the journal on the desk and a pen, I know what we have to say” Tyler instructed and Shawn did just dad as fast as he could, clutching the pen between his fingers and waiting vehemently for Tyler to say something.

The shorter boy stayed silent for a long minute before speaking up. “Write about Dema, they need to know that we aren’t the Bishops and that this flower has been brought directly to us. And also make those letters two, they need to know that it’s the both of us, not only one”

“Letter one and letter two, okay. But how do we let them know that it’s us? We can’t sign our names, if we do and Bishops find out we will be killed” Shawn whispered, almost like he was afraid the Bishops could hear him, but they couldn’t, no, they couldn’t yet. But someday, that very day, they would’ve listened and they wouldn’t have controlled the both of them anymore.

“You’re right, we need something to hide our identity but we also need to show that it’s us” Tyler adverted his gaze to the vulture still perched on his shoulder, his chest heaving with deep breaths, his eyes deep black with beautiful yellow sparkles that seemed to give life to that obscure appearance.

Shawn followed him, observing intently the volatile and in the very moment he caught a bright yellow light sparkle in his eyes, something right clicked in his head and he widened his eyes, immediately scribbling something at the end of the ripped page. “What about Clancy? We’re looking for a rebellion, just like him!”

“Clancy? What do you think about that, baby boy?” the vulture just opened his wings for a moment, his skinny neck bobbing up and down like he was swallowing before closing them. “I think it’s a fantastic idea, Shawn”

 

\--

 

“I have to admit, Niall, your idea is actually great” Josh commented, patting the taller guy on the shoulder. “Clancy had to do it all alone but that doesn’t mean that the others have to, too. We’re Banditos, there’s hundreds of us now. We can’t keep on following fate, we have to go over it, we have to create our own fate. It’s time to change things and their message just confirmed that to us”

“Thank you, Josh. And you’re right, but we need to answer them in a way. We need to organize a plan, what do you think about a real message now?” Niall asked, following the shorter guy into the central tent of the campsite they could really call home. He remembered the words from the letter: ‘Dema, to me, has simply been the place that I’ve existed or the spot they’ve put me in’. He couldn’t even think about how Shawn was feeling in that place that his heart started to suffer. Their souls were linked from the first day and he couldn’t remember anything but pain after the anxiety took Shawn away from him.  
He hadn’t ever had the chance to confess his love to him and he was struggling with breathing every time he thought about it. But it was now the time to change everything, to bring his Shawn and Tyler back, now that they were going to be awake again.

“That would be very risky” the captain looked at him with a side glance, but his words seemed null when his hands were just reaching for papers and pens in the backpacks near the fire. “But we sure have to try and I, I really need you for that Niall”  
The brown haired boy smiled slightly, his eyes tingling with tears, something like happy tears caused by the hope of seeing Shawn again. “I would be honored”

 

\--

 

“Tomorrow is the Annual Assemblage of Glorified, it’s the greatest spectacle of this place and the loudest, not only for all the people out there but also because tomorrow is the day that we will reach freedom and we won’t hide ourselves anymore”

“The Banditos are coming tonight, aren’t they?” Shawn asked for confirmation looking absentmindedly out of the window where the vulture had disappeared into the fog with what he hoped was the last letter. From there on, they would’ve just spoken to each other verbally. No more division, no more Dema. Just Trench where they wouldn’t have been alone anymore.

“So they said, and I’m sure of it. I want to remember them, I want to feel free again” Tyler brought his hands up to the ceiling adjusting the yellow flower in the front pocket of his jumpsuit and smirking like he could already feel the weight et off his shoulders. Shawn incredibly felt like that, too. He had a strong link to the Banditos and he didn’t even know why but it was time to have answers.

Even through the thick mist he could still see the moon going higher in the sky and the night become deeper and deeper each second that passed. “I think it’s time to head out” he said aloud, looking at Tyler with fear clear in his eyes but also many hopes of getting finally out. “It feels strange to say something like that. Initially, I thought that Dema was a place that could protect us with his routine and normality but now, after so many years, I don’t feel like that anymore. It’s time to change, it’s time to head out”

“You can surely use your words, Shawnie” Tyler commented affectionately and Shawn felt a sudden pang in his chest at the nickname that sounded oh so familiar. And familiar was a strong word in a place like that. “Yeah, let’s go”

They tip toed through the interminable corridors of the town, every grey window and horrible statue looking at them like they were disappointed in them for finally leaving that place. The first time they had tried with the window and it hadn’t been a really great idea with the loud noise they had made while falling on the ground. Now they had decided with the Banditos to take directly the streets of the city and they would’ve met in the middle. Even though the angry looking place, Shawn just felt thrilled at the prospect of seeing the Banditos again and following his dream of freedom.

He could almost touch it with his fingers, feel it on his tongue, take it in his soul.

The main road presented a central square and the scary looking statue just in the middle. They surpassed them with their eyes looking directly into the night foggy sky, like they wanted t demonstrate that that Vialism wouldn’t have controlled them anymore. “We’re almost there” Tyler whispered and Shawn nodded, finally taking his eyes away from the not very clear image of the moon.

The main road then split into two halves, one going higher and effectively taking them out of the city, and one going lower into the undergrounds. The second one would’ve been more difficult but surely more safe. “Where are we going?” Tyler asked but they both knew the real answer.

“We’re going low” the both said in unison and then smiled at each other like a silent compliment to themselves. And that was that: they started walking through the alleys, sometimes slowly, sometimes running like they could already feel the open air again. Shawn couldn’t help but think about what Clancy had felt the first time he had escaped and then returned, and the second time he had finally decided that Dema wasn’t home like he had thought and gathered a large group of rebellious people that would’ve then become the Banditos. He imagined what he was feeling there up in the sky in that moment, if he was proud of them just like they were proud of themselves for finally going against their sloth and anxiety and make a definitive decision: liberty.

They passed through many more alleys, watching the graffiti that covered the walls around them, demonstration that they weren’t the first ones to take the low road so seek home. But then, after what had felt like an infinity of time, Shawn noticed a distant glow of a torch illuminating a corridor not too far away and they started running after it, the only torch becoming ten, then thirty, then fifty then hundreds of them where the Banditos were walking towards them.  
In front of all those people, a short guy was taking the lead, presumably the captain among them all, holding a torch high up in the sky and wearing a yellow bandana on his mouth. When his gaze adverted the other two, he immediately yanked the bandage down, showing a nose ring and small lips curling up into a smile circled by a short layer of beard.

“Ty?” the captain muttered softly, his smile becoming even more bigger.

Shawn watched Tyler’s slow reaction: from surprise to deep happiness as he launched himself at the guy, coping his never ending smile. “Josh?”

“Yeah, bro, that’s me” Josh muttered softly before raising his free hand up in the air an waiting for Tyler to take it. His friend did just that, starting with a particular and probably secret handshake that was too difficult to really watch but at the same time so intricate that you couldn’t help but stare at it.

The other Banditos observed them just as intently and Shawn tried to catch sight of someone he knew, correct it, someone he remembered. He was sure he knew them all but he couldn’t remember even a name nor a face and he was just waiting for hat moment of recognition that Tyler had just had with that Josh. He couldn’t even remember the captain, it had to mean something. But he didn’t think about it too hard because in a matter of seconds he had an harmful of a guy shorter than him, brown hair tickling at his jaw and a cold nose on his neck sniffling in his scent.  
Shawn could just smell the odor of family, of home, of protection and he hugged the guy back almost on reflex, wrapping his arms around his waist and burying his own nose in those thick strands of brown air, sniffling the beautiful smell some more.

“Shawnie” the guy croaked against his neck and Shawn, just at the sound of that nickname, remembered it all.

He could remember the days in the campsite, Jenna cooking for them her delicious pastries, Debby and Jordan working out with him into the woods, Brendon and Calum joking around and swimming with him in the cold and refreshing water of the river. He remembered every name, every face and every feeling of happiness, but most importantly he remembered Niall, Niall Horan: the tent they shared, the hugs, the familiarity, they strong friendship, their jokes, the love he felt for him and the pain he felt for abandoning him before being taken back into Dema.  
And now he was there, hugging him and crying on his shoulder, calling him by the nickname of Shawnie.

“Niall, oh my- N-Niall” he cried happily, tears pricking behind his eyelids.

“You remember me, Shawnie?” Niall asked, finally lifting his head from his shoulder and looking at him directly into his eyes. Shawn also remembered their color, the beautiful glass-blue of his irises and the yellow sparks around them. They looked tired and sleepy but they were just as handsome as ever. “You’re alive, oh shit, you’re here in front of me and you’re talking and you remember me!”

“Yes Niall, I remember you” Shawn said softly, feeling everyone’s eyes on him but not giving a minimal care.

“You remember me and, and you- shit, Shawnie, I love you, I love you so fucking much” he exclaimed before finally kissing him, lips soft and a bit chapped, but also fantastic against his own, like they were claiming him as finally his after all this time.  
And Shawn kissed back just as fiercely, dipping his head and reaching an hand up in his soft hair before opening his mouth.

“Oh my God!” Shawn shouted getting up from the couch while thick sweat trickled down his forehead and neck. Niall decided to walk right in that moment into the dressing room and when he noticed Shawn looking startled and so pale, he run to him immediately, his big warm hands caressing his cheeks then his hair. Shawn looked into his blue eyes and the image of Niall with a yellow bandana and a green jumpsuit flooded in front f his eyes, but the moment he blinked again they disappeared just as fast as they had appeared. Chills ran through his spine and he immediately covered his face in embarrassment because the most vivid memory he had was of kissing Niall on the lips and having the Irish lad so near his face didn't help him forgetting at all.

“Are you okay, Shawnie? What happened? I heard you scream” the other asked affectionately trying to look directly at him but Shawn refused even more the moment he heard that nickname falling from his lips.

“I-it was just a bad dream, I’m sorry” Shawn muttered while his hands scanned through the leather of the sofa of the dressing room he fell asleep on in search for his smart phone: a dream like that had certainly a deep meaning behind and he had to find it immediately.

“Nothing to be sorry about, mate” Niall joked and, oh, he had apparently found his phone before Shawn and he was already looking at the screen where the Youtube app was open. “Let me take a look at it: Nico and the Niners? By Twenty One Pilots? Is that what made you have such a bad dream? I didn’t even know you liked that genre of music”

“Yeah, I do, and also a lot” Shawn commented faking offense. An idea had popped in his mind: if he really wanted to find the meaning behind all of it there was a real way that being a pop-star near the middle break of his tour gave him easily. Maybe it was too much instinctive of him going to one of their concert when he didn't even know all of their song but firstly, he was sure he would've had a really good time, even more if Niall decided to go with him, secondly he was sure that talking directly to the creator of all of that would've cleared his mind.

In fact it hadn't been the first time he had had a dream like that, it had to be almost the fifteenth in three weeks but the first time the dream had really ended and most importantly with an additional kiss that he wouldn't had really expected. He had bee listening to their last album for a month at least, since he had seen it through his recommendations on Spotify and now he was there. Listening to them before his shows was almost relaxing, sitting in the backstage and strumming on his guitar trying to recopy their melodies, but when he finally started going behind the lyrics and found out about the world that had been created around all of it, the world of Trench if he had to be more specific. The first thought he had was of the singer being a really creative person to think about something so original, but then he started thinking about how he could recognize himself in all of it, him with his anxiety and his problems and his panic attacks and that was the moment the nightmares - or dreams, it depended - had really started. Initially he hadn't cared about it that much and could forget the better part of them after a day, but it became more and more difficult the more nightmares add themselves in his sleep and now, now that Niall had finally decided to follow him during the middle part of his tour - break included-, now he had reached his limit.   
When he finally could look into Niall's eyes, noticing with a running heart and a stomach full of butterflies that the man was so worried about him and so caring, running a gentle big hand up and down his back. If he had been in another place, a gesture like that would've probably made him uncomfortable but now he couldn't really get lost in thoughts like those. Shawn chewed on his bottom lip and slightly nodded along the ideas turning on in his head.  

“Why are you surprised? Do you not like them?”

“No it’s not that, Ashley made us meet back during the Grammys – do you remember? The one they accepted in underwear, what creative people – and I’ve known them since, especially Josh, he’s a charmer that one. But Michael, you know Clifford, knows them even better. He’s like their number one fan, he loves that type of music. But why are you asking me about them? Are you looking out on meeting them?” Niall was just so curious, asking question after question and probably forgetting half of the things he asked because of how much he talked but Shawn loved that part of him, he loved most of him, to be honest.

“Yeah, I do. You think you could help me arrange something?”

“Yes, absolutely, Shawnie boy” Shawn smiled: so he had played well his cards and he congratulated mentally himself. He almost felt guilt growing in his stomach for using Niall like that: was it using? Was he taking advantage of the weakness Niall had for him? It was probably because of him being younger and less expert than him, there couldn't be any other explanation.  
  
Niall took out his phone from the back pocket and sat at his feet on the couch, scrolling through his apps in search of Michael’s contact. Shawn he had noticed a familiar background, the distinctive open shirt of one of the first photo they took at the AMAs when they were both drunk, especially Niall. But it had probably been his imagination.  
“Hey Cliffy, it’s me Niall” he heard Niall say into the phone but he didn’t pay very much attention, his mind still focused on the bad dream he had just had. Bu- was it really _that_ bad? It looked so realistic and vivid, but still it couldn’t ever be real.

For one he knew for sure that Dema and things like that didn’t really exist and for two, his dream had looked more fake the more it neared its end especially the conclusion itself: the kiss Niall had given him had felt very unrealistic and his confession even more, it was just his subconscious joking around with him, making him almost believe that he had a possibility, as if...  
Shawn couldn’t help but look at the guy talking animatedly on his phone, his hands dancing in the air even though no one but Shawn could see his gestures: it couldn’t have ever been real. Sure, the feeling of protection and that scent of familiarity and safeness was there in real life every time he hugged the boy, too, but even though he was by now completely aware of the strong feelings he felt for the Irish boy, he was certain that nothing more than a so great and tight friendship would've happened between them.

“Michael said he’s going at one of their show in, like, four or five days in Moscow, just the time you’re going to be on your two weeks break. How does that sound to you?” Niall asked after a few minutes of catching up with Michael who had just the passed the cell to Calum and then Ashton or Luke, he couldn’t really remember, most probably the both of them.

“That sounds great, thank you Niall” Shawn got up from the couch to hug the boy in front of him who hugged him back just with the same intensity. The taller one hid his nose in his soft brown hair and secretly took in the beautiful perfume of his fruity shampoo. He thought he was going crazy because of how much he liked to be near the Irish man just to smell his scent and feel more like at home even though the big distance from his parents. And after that strange dream he had had he was sure he was really crazy, like, a lot. “We will have a lot fun”

 

\--

 

They really had a lot of fun. He had known a lot of songs – but not really every one of them - and had sung them almost while crying from all the emotions Tyler was letting through his microphone; Michael and Calum had started screaming from the very first song, seeming to know each of them by heart; Niall had just sat there with a small smile, contemplating the show silently. They had had a great view, being just under the side of the stage so none would recognize them. But if they had, they wouldn’t really have been taken away from the concert in front of them. It had been a spectacular exhibition, literally, with all those games of lights and the close ups of the cameras, the changing of clothes, Tyler disappearing from the central stage just to reappear on the back stage or in the middle of the grandstands, Josh taking his shirt and showing off his sweaty abs while drumming more often than not – at some point Shawn had even felt his face go hot for ogling his body so much that he had prayed all the saints in heaven that hid redness wasn’t that clear.

“If I made the same type of music I would surely try to copy a show like that, it was explosive” Niall affirmed while walking through the corridors of the backstage to reach the changing room of the band. Shawn was almost shaking from the nerves of finally meeting Tyler and having to talk to him in private about his dream but, still, he had to go deep into that thing and find out about the questions that were keeping him awake at night and that internet couldn’t answer to. He had already a lot of anxiety to cope up with during his shows and he knew that his dream was linked to that: he hopes Tyler really had the answers he was searching for.  


“Yeah, that was absolutely sick” Calum exclaimed with an high pitched voice, circling Niall’s shoulders with a big muscular arm. Shawn almost felt intimidated by him: they were tall the same but Calum looked just bigger and more dominant, it made his legs feel like jelly when they were too close and he was afraid that if he said a bad thing he would get a really painful punch in the face. But he was a good guy all the same, or he wouldn’t have been that good of a friend of Niall.

“Yeah, did you see that car? And the fire? And the lights. Oh, and when he disappeared and reappeared in like two seconds? Absolutely sick!” Michael was the exact opposite: he wasn’t that tall, nor that muscular, and even though his piercing and his punk rock appearance in general he looked like a sweet guy and in fact, he really was a softie.

“Oh, you Australians” Niall sighed before giggling lightly, returning Calum’s half hug. Shawn felt a little pang of jealousy at the bottom of his stomach but swallowed it fast, mortifying at the thought. “You all talk the same way, even worse than those North Americans”

Shawn didn’t even had the time to protest that someone else impended over their conversation, a towel slung over his shoulder and big sweaty abs on display. “Oh, look who’s talking: the Iirish one. Us North Americans are just exclusive people, am I right?” Shawn spent too many seconds in silence before understanding that Josh Dun in all his semi-naked glory was referring right to him.

“Oh, y-yeah, yes”

“Mate, long time not seeing you” Shawn heard Niall exclaim behind him in the middle of his deep confusion and amaze. No one but his family knew about Shawn’s thing for guys and, sincerely, being this close to someone so much, well, gifted made it very hard for him to contain his embarrassment. It would’ve probably been obvious if Michael hadn’t yanked him away to launch himself onto Josh’s poor and unexpected body but his strong biceps welcomed him easily even though the sudden heavy weight.

  
Shawn couldn’t help but stare at them, comparing them to Niall’s: they were good biceps – come on, he was a drummer – but they weren’t has big as Niall’s and, most importantly, Niall’s were pure and divine, they didn’t have any tattoos. Shawn really had a thing for guys, but most importantly for Niall and… Yeah, that was very difficult and embarrassing, too.

“Missed you, big guy” Michael cried in the drummer’s ear while Calum, containing himself much more than his bandmate, just reached his hand up to give Josh an high five.

“Missed you, too babe. But now, let’s not be rude. There’s a new buddy right here: I surely know you from TV and radio but we’ve never met in person, haven’t we?”

“N-no, we haven’t” Shawn blabbered when the drummer turned to him: great, he was making a fool of himself. Josh, just like in his photos, looked like an excellent and sweet guy but still, in person he was very intimidating – even though he was, like, 5’5? Worse than Niall, really.

“Yeah, was pretty sure of it, haven't seen you even though we both were at the Grammys” he said, his accent thick even with all the travelling he had made with his band. Bless him, Shawn almost couldn’t understand his own words after two days in London. “But tell me, did you like the show? Didn’t think it was your kind of music”

“Yeah me too, was shocked when Niall asked me about it” Michael interjected, finally bringing his head up from Josh’s shoulder.  
Shawn couldn’t help but roll his eyes with a small smile. “Yeah, I liked it a lot. And stop thinking that I am some pop-commercial obsessed lad, I’m very much heterogeneous in music material”

“Woah that’s a big word to use” Someone yelled from the opened door behind Josh’s back because, oh yes, there was another person in the changing room, logically. Tyler appeared under the door’s frame in the beat of an eye, the sweat from the show he had just played collected all on his forehead but, differently from Josh, he seemed to have much more dignity and preferred to rest in his sweaty clothes rather than welcoming other people in just very low shorts, six-pack on display. “Do you think we could put it in one of our song? I think that after ‘kaleidoscope’ we could really use anything there”

“Ty!” Michael screamed and launched himself at the other guy but Tyler moved just in time to avoid his weight on him. That would be understandable since, even though he was surely taller, he still looked very slim and a bit lanky. “Missed you, too. But missed much more Josh, he’s way more funny than you” Michael commented with an innocent pout, faking offense at the singer's gesture.

“Yeah, I know” Tyler laughed while both Niall and Calum reached him for a formal but still friendly handshake.  
Shawn just stayed there looking at the wall behind the singer’s back : he would’ve had to say ‘hi’ and then gone about his dream in a way that wouldn’t have sounded too weird or crazy, like he was out of his own mind. But, really, he was going mad and the only thought of talking to someone he had never ever met before and it made him sweat through all of his body, feet included. Sure, he had planned this before, but now that he was standing there it seemed like the stupidest decision he had ever made in his life - and there was plenty of them. 

So he just stayed there, as rigid as a marble statue, expecting someone to do all the dirty work for him or just hoping that that moment would pass rapidly and he would’ve been under the protection of the covers of his soft hotel bed, really enjoying his two weeks break from tour with Niall sleeping in a bed just across from his own.  
But fate – oh _please_ , stop with the fate thing – seemed to not be of the same opinion.

“And you should be _the_ Shawn Mendes, heard a lot ‘bout you. Loved that song, how was it called, In My Blood? But please, let's talk about Mutual, that's bloody fantastic” Tyler exclaimed, smiling sweetly at him. Shawn had to admit that he had a beautiful and genuine smile, his crooked theeth making it look even sweeter, but that really wasn’t the most important thing to notice at the moment.

“ _Mutual?_ ” he squeaked involuntarily causing Niall to turn around and stop his conversation with the other ones in the corridor so he could look questioningly at him. He was a very protective person but really, now it wasn’t the greatest moment to make sure Shawn’s voice and dignity were safe: it made the situation even more embarrassing. “But it, I mean” he cleared his voice, bringing a fist on his throat when he noticed the still present high pitched tone in his voice. “It isn’t even on the, on the-“

“The radio?” Tyler asked, his accent just as thick as Josh’s. “Yeah, I know. But I don’t just listen to the radio, you know? I found your album on Spotify's reccomendation" _Wow, it was the same for me_ , Shawn thought surprised. "and I loved the sweet and slow songs with that bass and acoustic guitar and especially Mutual. And I also know that I don’t look like someone who would listen to songs like that but, still, ‘prejudice blind us just as the fog’ or something like that? I think? It was a writer’s quote, I’m sure of it”

Fog? Shawn remembered clearly the fog I the surrounded him in his dream and thinking about it now, hearing it aloud, almost made it all more realistic. “Yeah, that’s what I tried to say just a minute ago”

“I noticed, and I can also notice your nervousness around the both of us. I understand that it’s difficult to talk to people you’ve never met before, I’m a very shy person, too, but I think that you look like a great guy and I hope you see the same thing in me”

“Y-Yeah, I do, I’m sorry” Shawn admitted caressing the back of his neck. He felt like he could tell Tyler anything, even that he had killed someone in the past, and he would’ve reacted with his chill and go-to guy personality answering with some deep metaphor, the same ones he used in his songs. And that was great, considering the crazy things he was about to talk to him about.

“Nothing to be sorry about. And now, tell me, what brings you here of all the places? I mean, why Moscow? We have a show in Dublin in a few weeks, I think you would’ve preferred to be there with Horan”

Shawn rubbed his sweaty palms on each other, looking everywhere but at Tyler’s face and the singer didn’t seem to be very affected by his behavior. He really liked that guy and his chillness, a lot. “I-I have some questions to ask you about- I mean they will sound very crazy and you’ll think I’m going mad-“

“No question is crazy nor stupid nor anything else, Shawn, a question is just a question, nothing more and nothing less” Tyler interjected, receiving a strange glace from Josh that seemed to tell something like ‘Stop with this shit, dude, and let the poor guy be’. Maybe something like this had already happened in the past and the idea almost made Shawn laugh but he just stayed stoic and nervous, pulling his lips forcefully into a tight anxious smile.

“Yeah, okay, I was just saying that I have some question to ask you about your album. More specifically, the Trench and Dema thing if you have enough time and, uhm, in private” he added the last part looking thoroughly at the other guys conversing animatedly about something like Saikebon’s various tastes.

“Yeah that’s possible, we’re not in a rush or anything” Tyler patted him on the back and the younger boy didn’t feel even the slightest uncomfortable for the new affection shown by someone he had met just a few minutes ago. That was strange but, still, everything of that situation was very strange and Tyler was a really great lad, he seemed apprehensive. “C'mon , follow me inside” he gestured towards the intern of the dressing room urging him to go in there and Shawn did just that without thinking about it twice.

 

\--

 

“I know this all sounds crazy and unfounded but it seemed very realistic, vivid, and I really need to know all the meanings behind it and this Dema and Trench thing” Shawn finally breathed out after spending at least fifteen minutes talking non-stop about the dream he had had, the songs he had listened to, the sites he had visited and all that. It felt like being freed of a weight from his chest but, still, the heavy thing that brought his soul to the pavement was still were present in him and he couldn’t wait to get rid of it. "And I also want to specify that it wasn't the first time. It has been going on like this for weeks now and I am- I am just tired"

“I am” Tyler clicked his tongue in his mouth and Shawn waited anxiously for his response: scared, probably, _very_ scared. “I am very impressed, you understood most of it in a short amount of time and you were really good in your interpretation but it’s clear you have many doubts about it and, I mean, I will help as much as I can”

“Thank you very much”

“Ah, don’t worry. I have to admit that I’m also, you know, flattered. The infamous Shawn Mendes dreaming about me and the world I created, that’s splendid” He laughed, probably to lighten the tension in the air. And it worked pretty well if the relaxing of all the muscles in the younger’s body where anything to go by. “but let’s start with it, okay? You told me about anxiety and sloth, is that how you’re feeling right now?”

  
Shawn crunched his eyebrows at the question but just got along with it: Tyler seemed like an expert in these things and he could really put all of his trust in him, talking to him about every little detail of his personal life – and he was in fact going to in a few moments. He crossed his legs and his shoeless feet on the sofa of the little dressing room and made himself comfortable to have this difficult conversation while the singer paced around the four walls deep in his thoughts. 

“Not right, like, exactly now but most of the times, well, yes. My therapist told me its normal because of me becoming famous at such a young age, not prepared enough for an experience as though as this. It’s like an addiction to anxiety, for me. I’m nervous around and for everything and anyone, really”

“That’s okay, nothing to be ashamed of admitting of. So you’re telling me your anxiety is pretty bad, well, let’s say that Dema is mostly referred to it but not, like, entirely. We can say that the city sometime feels more like a safe place where the constant routine makes you relax but then you feel like you need to go over these boundaries, get an hold on yourself and seek something new, you know? Are you looking for things like that?”

Shawn thought about it for a moment before nodding slowly. “Yes, I’ve already had this conversation with Niall and he’s been helping me a lot with finding myself and what I want to do. That’s why my last album is just called Shawn Mendes, because I feel more like my real self”

“That’s great, Shawn. And tell me: you said that we, like, tried to escape and that the vulture was very helpful. You know the meaning behind the vultures?” he waited for his sign of dissent before continuing. “They are between life and death because they keep themselves alive by eating carcasses. In this case, they can travel more easily than Banditos from Dema to Trench and vice versa. And, oh, you also told me that you could imagine the Banditos talking simultaneously in their camping tents?”

“Yes, and I think that’s the first thing that made me realize it was just a dream. I could also, like, remember a past where we’ve had already been there, before Dema and all of that”

“Okay, okay” Tyler muttered to himself, caressing his own jaw “And then we met with them in the undergrounds and I made the handshake with Josh, yeah the one that’s also in the video and you didn’t remember anyone before Niall hugged you and- excuse me, could you repeat what he did after that?” he asked innocently but Shawn could see as clear as the sky a grin forming on his lips.

He felt his cheeks go impossibly red and his palms felt wet from sweat against his knees: he still felt like such a teenager. “H-he said that he loved me and he kissed me”

“Then the dream ended”

“Yeah”

“Well, I have some theories about this. I mean, you said that you remembered everything after hugging Niall and, well, he seems to be a central figure in your dream just like in real life, isn’t he?”

Shawn hid his embarrassed face behind his hands, shaking his head in assent anyway. “Y-Yeah, he helped me a lot with this anxiety thing”

“Well, if you think about it, it looks like kind of a metaphor, or a premonition, it depends on how you look at it. So, you just interpreted the things that you’re feeling and living with the things you have seen and listened from, you know, our album and I think that’s pretty normal and also fantastic, sick, mate” Tyler fist bumped the hands on his face laughing at his sheepish face.

“Thank you but, I mean, why would it be a premonition?” Shawn asked curiously because really, nothing about it looked like it was referred to a premonition, the allegorical interpretation was surely more correct.

“Because Niall confessed his love for you and that, my friend, might happen” the singer smiled.

Shawn looked at him profoundly for long seconds of silence before clapping his hands on his own knees and widening his eyes. “Are _you_ the one out of your mind?” he screeched before covering his mouth. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to sound so rude, but I think we both know that that was the most unrealistic part of the dream”

“But it’s the ending of it, it has to mean something important even more because you remember all of it very vividly. What do you think about you confessing your own love for him?” he smirked again and Shawn didn’t really know what to do with his closed fists but he did have a slight idea of punching something or someone - maybe not Tyler, he was a really good guy for helping him, nor Calum, he didn't really look forward to be sent to the hospital.

“Okay, I’ll repeat myself, are you out of your mind? I can’t do something like that. The friendship me and Niall have practically saved me and I couldn’t ruin it for some stupid feelings”

“Firstly your feelings aren’t stupid” Tyler was suddenly very close to him, his hands on his shoulders shaking his body like he wanted to make him open his eyes – wake him up, if that was the case. Shawn could remember the simile scene in his dream and could also feel just the same safeness and care. “Secondly, most of the times dreams are our subconscious’ awareness, so there’s a great possibility that it could be true. You need to try, you can’t live in the Dema all your life, do you understand what I’m saying?”

They were having a really personal conversation for being just acquaintances for just, like, half an hour? More or less, it was still very early but Shawn felt really comfortable around him and also, Tyler was a very sensible and reflexive person, he liked it a lot. Niall was just like that and that was maybe one of the first motivation of his crush – plus the biceps, obviously, he had a big thing for biceps and especially guitarists’ biceps. “Yeah, I do” he sat there in silent looking into Tyler’s eyes for a few seconds before reopening his mouth: “You really think the he could reciprocate?”

Tyler started giggling while singing the chorus’ lines “ _I need to know if this is mutual before I go and get way too involved_ ” with a very different but still beautiful intonation - he was a very great singer, for God’s sake. “You’re already too involved but, to me, it looks like Niall is just as chuffed as you if the fact that he took you to a concert just to make you happy is anything to go by" he blatantly ignored Shawn's surprised question _How did you know that?_ "so just do it and confess everything you have and need to say. You live just once and all that” he concluded with a vague gesture if his hand.

Shawn nodded slowly, finally convincing himself that Tyler was undeniably right. His words sounded very reasonable in his head or it was just the fact that the front man was a sensible and convincing guy. “We don’t even know each other and I think that you’re right” he laughed at himself, almost hysterically, and Tyler immediately agreed with him. “Shit, the purpose of this conversation was to resolve all of my problems, but I just have more of them now”

The older singer smiled caressing his shoulders one last time before reaching the other part for the room where his fresh clothes and toiletries were sat. Yeah, it had already passed a long time and probably Niall (and also Michael and Calum) was (were) waiting for him outside to get back to their hotel.

“If you admit the thruth to yourself you’ll stop feeling like you have so many problems around yourself. You just have to do the right thing an you now know full well what I’m talking about”

 

\--

  


“So did you have a great conversation with what seems to be you favorite singer now?” Niall asked cheekily the moment they entered the hotel room they had decided to share.

It was still very hard for Shawn to sleep alone so far away from home and he always preferred having someone in the bed next to his own or opposite to it. The days he spent on tour there would be just some friends from the crew but they weren’t as close to him as Niall so having had the Irishman with him the last few days of his first leg had been a blessing. And really, bless Niall that had been always by his side, coping up with him and his stupid insecurities without ever protesting even a second: hugging him when he needed it, talking him into sleep, preparing him three cups of tea par day when he felt like he couldn’t make anything on his own. Niall was a great friend, an extraordinary friend and Shawn loved him dearly.

Shawn stuck his tongue out and Niall just smiled at his sweet and babyish behavior but didn’t add anything to it. He sat on his own bed on the right side of the room and started unpacking the bag with all his toiletries with care and tidiness: Shawn almost felt bad for the mess in his own bag but he knew that Niall wouldn’t have cared until it wouldn’t have touched his suitcase or his clothes.

“He’s not my favorite singer - I mean, band. I don’t even know all of their songs. I just also listen to a bit of emo music contrary to people’s belief” Shawn protested, crossing his arms on his chest and keeping on with his childish gestures. He knew that Niall always laughed the most in that way and he proved it when he started giggling while he folded accurately his towel.

“Okay, so am I still your favorite singer? No one has taken my place, yet?” he joked but the younger lad couldn’t help but take the situation seriously.

He distantly thought about the things Tyler had said to him, how passionately he was convinced of his own theories even though they almost didn’t know each by name. But he had already known Niall, so probably he wasn’t that wrong. Shawn knew that he was telling himself things like that just because he needed to bring his hopes up before going and screwing completely their strong friendship. He just wanted to hear Niall laugh one last time, see him smile. He knew that the Irish boy would’ve regardless acted with chillness: he wasn’t someone to judge or anything but things wouldn’t have been surely the same after his confession. He remembered Niall’s one in his dream: it had been rushed and almost exaggerated, theatrical, but still that little bit genuine to make him believe that it could’ve been real.

“You’re not my favorite singer” Shawn admitted and Niall was certainly going to reply with some ironic sentence but he beat him on time. “You’re my favorite guitarist, my favorite friend, my favorite Irish man, my favorite person in general, too” Niall blinked at him and Shawn could see a deep blush forming on his cheeks but slightly covered by his beard. The thought of making him blush made Shawn blush too and they probably looked like a right sheepish mess in that moment.

“Wow, thanks mate. That was sweet of you to say” Niall commented, his hand awkwardly scratching at his beard.

“I mean it” Shawn insisted, he had to make him understand that it wasn’t only that.

“You’re my favorite person as in… Okay, I’ll be honest, it was Tyler who insisted on doing it”

“ _Tyler_? What the fuck does Tyler now-“

“He told me that he was sure f it and he convinced me” Shawn interrupted his cursing “He convinced me on telling you, so I’m going to do it just now. And I don’t want any pity or embarrassment or anything else. Please, just be honest with me and with yourself” He took a deep breath and looked into the beautiful confused blue orbs focused on his face. But he couldn’t really admit all of it with his eyes open so he closed them, lowering his head, and just started with it. “I like you, as in a romantic sense of it, a sentimental way. And I hope you won’t feel like something has to change between us and-“ Niall kissed him and Shawn almost felt like he was in that dream again but now, circling his hands around his neck and feeling Niall’s on his waist and back, it felt so much more real.

The Irish singer was on his tip toes, reaching him to just deepen the kiss opening his mouth and letting his tongue out to poke at Shawn’s. It was chaste in a way, but also a lot sensual and romantic if the way he moaned when he felt Niall’s left hand slowly slide at the beginning of his bum was anything to go by. And he really couldn’t help himself when his hands reached his big biceps and squeezed them because, well, he _did_   _have_  a thing for biceps.

“So is that-“

“Tyler might have been right” Niall muttered with a small grin on his lips before bringing them to the other’s again. Shawn didn’t complain and just relaxed against the wall while his hands started caressing the Irish man’s arms. Niall moaned softly when he opened his mouth and let their tongues meet again and he started to openly roll his hips against the other’s while his hands reached and squeezed his bum.

“What?” Shawn squeaked into his mouth but Niall silenced him again with his lips. “No, wait, I mean-“ 

“Oh shit I’m sorry!” Niall exclaimed, finally realizing what the younger boy had meant and rapidly getting away from him as if he had just been burnt by his touch. He looked at the floor with mortified, caressing the back of his neck. “It wasn’t right, I’m sorry. I just- I got too carried away and, you’re so beautiful Shawn I couldn’t- sorry, I’m sorry”

Shawn laughed the sound crystalline in the air just enough to break the tension, but surely not the sexual one. “Don’t be sorry, I just- you sure you want to do it?”

Niall looked at him with wide doe eyes before coking an eyebrow and smiling slyly like the cheeky man he was. “Yeah, are _you_ sure, _baby boy_?” The curly haired boy blushed deeply at the nickname and turned away from the other to hide the redness on his cheeks. He could feel his skin burning from head to toe along with the semi he was starting to sport in his jeans: it was embarrassing, really, being such a teenager in front of a full adult like Niall whoa lot more temperance than him. “Oh my God, I knew it!” Niall cried, laughing lightly, and Shawn felt his hands touch his waist again, Niall’s lips now near his ear whispering sensually. “I knew that under that innocent façade you hid a kinky boy”

“I-I’m not-“ Shawn’s breath got caught in his lungs when he felt Niall’s light kisses move on his neck. It was a beautiful sensation, one he had dreamed about many times and he couldn’t help but think if Niall was thinking about just the same thing at the moment. Was he doing it just for pity or things like that? It didn’t seem like the case or he wouldn’t have kissed him first but still, they hadn’t even talked that much about it. They were just going straight forward and even though the idea was fantastic, they had to actually talk at some point - and maybe later, he didn't really want to interrupt anything.

“Don’t be ashamed of it, Shawnie” he laughed, finally turning his body so they could stare in each other’s eyes. “I’ve thought about it a million times before, since the first time I really got to know you and talk to you. You were so sweet and innocent, I just felt the need to take care of you like a baby” he admitted and they both laughed, feeling like those thoughts were a bit obscene even if pretty great – and oh, his silent questions were fortunately answered.

He was a bit kinky, okay, but Niall seemed to be worse than him if his hungry stare and the hands who were just going again to his ass, squeezing it with such force, were anything to go by. Shawn thought that their height difference was ridiculous when Niall was clearly the most dominant of the two, but it was still _very_ hot. “You look like Jamie Dornan”

“Oh my God” Niall literally cracked up against his chest, laughing so much that Shawn could feel the vibrations through his veins. And he couldn’t help but laugh too at that contagious sound. “Oh my God how did you-“

“The beard” Shawn said giggling like a mad man “T-The beard, you just- and you were so similar!“

“Christ, you’re fantastic” Niall returned to attack his lips angrily, his hands roaming rapidly on his back and squeezing and touching and caressing and Shawn just groaned while every sensation made him more and more excited. “Can I take you to bed?” Shawn just nodded and Niall immediately took his hands in his own, leading him to lay on the queen-size bed on the right side of the room. 

It seemed like the new position gave Niall even more power and he started peppering kisses all around his face and neck, making him giggle and moan at the same time while their hips buckled and rolled against each other. At some point the cold guitar-calloused hands of the Irish man decided to just go on and lift up his shirt before starting to kiss his chest too. Shawn had never felt better in his life, especially when Niall’s talented mouth gave more attention to his nipples, sucking and licking and biting like a real expert of the job. It was ecstatic.

“Please, can we-“ he couldn’t keep on with his sentence when the other’s tongue started massaging the hard sensitive nub of his nipple and he moaned a little, his hands reaching the brown soft strands of hair on his chest. “Can we, like, can you be more-“

“Naked?” Niall asked with a giggle, his lips incredibly red and shiny with his own spit. Shawn felt his dick twitch in his pants and nodded eagerly. “All you had to do was ask, baby”

Being in only their underwear was even better than before: he could feel every touch from Niall, when his hands found their way under his boxers to grope at his bum; he could admire his chest air and the great biceps that were pinning him into the mattress. Niall was handsome on top of him, looking so powerful with dark hooded eyes and bruised lips from all their kissing. It was a sight that Shawn wished to admire every day of his entire life.

“What do you want to do?” Niall asked, sucking eagerly on his neck but careful enough to not leave visible marks. Shawn moaned and pushed up his hips to meet the other’s groin while his hands gripped desperately the sheets under him ì. He felt almost on the brink of a cliff with all the pleasure and happiness surrounding him: it was an extraordinary feeling he had never savored before and being with Niall made it the more important. “Give me a limit or I’ll really go and do anything”

“Do it” Shawn exclaimed in a blink but hurried to correct himself “I mean, just, make love to me, please?”

Niall looked at him with softer eyes, an affectionate smile compare to his sly and sensual previous behavior. "Such a polite boy" He kissed him lightly, a chaste touch of lips before pulling away and kissing both of his cheeks. “I’d be honored to make love to you, baby” Shawn felt his face litterally go on fire and his erection growing even more. He would've felt ashamed of his thoughts in any other situation, but, being Niall, he felt a lot more relaxed. And also, the awareness that the Irish boy liked things like that made him even more eager to please. “I already have lube and condoms, so I’ll ask you one more time: are you sure? We could always just stop here and-“ 

Shawn shushed him with a kiss and a light smack on his bum, urging him to just get up and start with his job. “I’m completely sure so, please, be fast”

“Eager boy. My God, you’re beautiful” Niall said, capturing his lips in a kiss one last time before getting away from him to collect all the necessities from his suitcase. Shawn just admired the fantastic view of his round ass from his position on the bed. “Sorry, I just feel like I have to remind you that you’re beautiful every second and, oh” he turned around, the bottle of lube and two packets of condoms already in his hands, faking confusion. “Have I told you that you’re beautiful?” 

The curly haired boy giggled, grabbing him by his arms and tackling him to the bed on top of him again. “You stupid goof” he said, kissing his big nose jokingly. “Yes, you already told me that”

Niall smiled lovingly, his eyes reflecting the feelings that the both of them had for each other. “Oh that’s good, because you are really beautiful”

“Oh Jesus, shut up!” Shawn bit his lips with force causing a sudden yelp of pain from the other boy. “Just make love to me, yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah. God such a queen” Niall muttered with a laugh. “I’ll make the best love in the world to you” he assured, uncapping the bottle of lube and coating his left hand wirg it while his other hand lowered Shawn’s boxer. 

It didn’t take as much time as Shawn had thought and the pleasure he felt when those slippery thick fingers in his ring of muscle, touching his prostate every now and then purposely, was almost unbearable and he had felt like he was going to come at any second. It wasn’t their first time with another boy but it surely had been a long time since the last one. Never the less, Shawn was a moaning mess under the fingers pounding viciously in him, his mouth obscenely open while loud moans and grunts echoed through all the room. “Do you feel like- like prepared enough? I can’t wait anymore when you’re looking like this”

Shawn just nodded, taking the condom in his hand and launching it at Niall, giving him a clear message that he had to move and fast. He was big, a great bit more than average, and especially thick and Shawn had never felt as good as Niall was making him feel with his cock in him and his hands. He looked like an expert, moving his hips like he knew as the back of his own hand how to make him see stars. And he was surely seeing the stars and the moon and all the lights in the sky, like the ones they had watched at the concert. He felt like he was in a new paradisaical dimension, his legs wide open, his head thrown back on the pillows while Niall pounded into him, making him feel the beautiful stretch of his dick against his prostate.

“You’re so tight and, _Christ_ , fantastic” the Irish man moaned into his ear before starting kissing his neck. “Can you already come for me, Shawnie? You’re feeling so good, I can see it. Can you do that for me?” Shawn shook his head in assent and took Niall’s hand in his, bringing it from the death grip he had on his waist and bum to his own hard cock between their stomachs. “Your cock is just as pretty as you, can I touch it, Shawnie? Can I make you feel good, make you come all over your pretty body while I keep fucking you?” Dirty talk was really doing it for the younger boy and it would’ve just been a matter of seconds before he’d come. Niall started tugging in time with his trusts on his cock and the stars looked even more real on the ceiling. “Come for me, I know you can do it, _baby boy_ ” Shawn moaned at the sound of that nickname, long and almost in pain, one last time, falling in a blissful state when his orgasm shook his whole body from head to toes. The distant feeling of Niall coming inside the condom in him was even better.

“You’re beautiful” Niall murmured in his skin a few minutes after when they were finally clean and very well satisfied.

“You’ve already told me” Shawn responded, collecting the sheets balled at their feet and bringing them on their naked bodies.

“I know” he brought their hands together, interviewing their fingers just like their legs on the mattress. He kissed his lips one last time before closing his blue eyes. “I just felt like I had to tell you one last time”


End file.
